Into the Fire (The Unseelie Court Book 4) Read online

  Garret stands off to the side, scanning the tree line. “Are those the same wolves?”

  “Sure are,” Chloe calls from inside. “Come on in. I’ll get you some sweet tea.”

  Garret scowls at the pack, then puts one hand on my shoulder. “Good to see you, Nic.”

  “You too.”

  “Just look at you.” Sophie places her warm palms on my enormous midsection. “Oh baby, you’re not too far off are you?”

  I shake my head, still unable to believe she was here. “How did you escape the pocket realm without a giant?”

  Sophie holds up a piece of paper. “We got this in the mail last week. Along with this.” She offers up a brilliant pink stone.

  I take the letter and read it once.

  In case you need to get out. If you are receiving this, I am gone. Take care of the queen. –A.

  “Angrboda.” My eyes mist over. The mother of monsters was still looking out for me and mine, even after her death.

  “That’s what we thought too.” Garret rejoins us on the porch, handing a glass of sweet tea to his wife and the other to me. His gaze strays back to the wolves. “Are they friendly?”

  “I wouldn’t try to pet any,” I warn. “But for the most part, yes, they won’t hurt anyone unless they sense a threat.”

  Garret says something else, but I miss it as a sudden sharp pain seizes my lower back. I stagger and then stumble. The glass of sweet tea crashes onto the porch, shards of glass glittering in the late day sun.

  “Nic?” Sophie’s tone is full of worry. “What’s wrong?”

  “The baby,” I gasp.

  Another wave of pain and then a splash.

  “Garret, get her into the house.” Sophie barks. “Her water just broke. The baby is coming now.”

  I shake my head. “It’s too soon.” Oh gods, what if there’s something wrong? What if I’m going to lose her? Earlier I’d been eager for this to happen but now…. Panic claws me as another wave of agony twists my spine. Blindly I reach for Sophie. “Mom, help.”

  Garret swoops in and lifts me up, heading towards my bedroom. “Call the midwife.”

  “Here,” Laufey moves up the stairs. Her hands covered with garden soil. “Take her to her bedroom.”

  There is a flurry of activity. Harmony and Gretchen run around collecting towels and boiling hot water. Sophie strips my bed and remakes it with an old quilt while Laufey and Chloe walk me back and forth. My breathing is uneven, unstable. I’m already failing at this.

  “I need to lie down,” I grunt as the pain moves from my back to my center. The pressure is building and alongside it, all my worries mount. Is Addison Sophia all right?

  They get me onto my back. Laufey slips my sodden underwear off. Sophie takes my left hand and Chloe my right.

  “She’s ready.”

  What comes next is a blur of endless hours broken by ebbing and flowing waves of pain. I stopped tracking anything. My limbs shake. Everything hurts. I want it to end. Am terrified of what the end will mean.

  “Push, Nic,” Laufey grunts.

  I cry out, sure the pain will rend me in two.

  “Push!” the giantess orders.

  A scream tears from my lips. The pressure is absolute.

  “How long?” I grit out between clenched teeth. We’ve been at this for hours, days. Years maybe.

  “Until it’s over,” Laufey’s gaze holds mine. “Chloe, prop her up.”

  My aunt climbs nimbly on the bed, wedging herself behind me to help brace my back. She takes both of my hands and breathes in my ear. “You can do this.”

  Fear fills me, more potent than any feeling I’ve ever known. I see the press of familiar faces merging and blending in a circle around me. They don’t understand.

  In its path of inner destruction, like a horseman of the apocalypse, rides absolute certainty.

  I can’t do this without him.

  I shake my head and tears track down my face. “I can’t. He’s supposed to be here.”

  “It’s okay, Nic.” Chloe bathes my forehead with a wet cloth. “But you need to power through this.”

  A sob breaks the pattern of my breathing. If not for the enormous mound of my stomach, I would curl up and tuck my knees to my chin. But it’s been months since I could do that.

  “Baby, I know you’re tired,” Sophie says in a soft drawl. “You’re at the end of your rope. It’s not fair, none of it. But you must keep fighting.”

  The dream of Pharaildis, alone in her prison flashes through my head. She wanted me for her. The fey took me for themselves.

  Just as they would take my baby. Without Aiden, I can’t protect her.

  “No,” I shake my head.

  Gretchen hovers at the side of the bed, looking like an anxious bumble bee, ready to fly off in any direction. “Aiden needs you to get through this.”

  “I can’t,” I yell at them. How to make them understand? I can’t do this alone, can’t protect her, teach her to be good.

  Lachesis words from so long ago. It’s not in your nature.

  “Aiden—,”

  “Get your shit together,” a cranky voice barks. “It’s time to grow up, Nic. You’re about to be a mother.”

  My head whips to the closet door, to the figure that lurks there. “Addy?” Her image is that of a shade, transparent and colorless. “Are you dead?”

  She laughs and it isn’t a nice sound. “Not yet.”

  Behind me, Chloe starts to tremble. “Is it really you?”

  “Yes, sister mine. I’m here. Waiting for your judgment.”

  Chloe asks, “How did you get here?”

  “Magic.” She toys with her long braid. “I’m with you in spirit.”

  “Are you with Aiden?” My lips quiver. “Is he all right?”

  She hesitates. “He will recover.”

  Another sob, this time from the pain in my heart, not the wave of agony ripping me in half.

  Her dark eyes begin to swirl with a silver light. “I can’t stay long, but I want to tell you something. This child that you carry, she’s the one who can fix it all. This infant girl will halt the forward march of destruction. And she will do it because you will teach her how.”

  I shake my head back and forth. “I can’t. Not without Aiden.”

  “He’s always been with you. You know this, Nic.”

  “I need him.” The tears spill over and another ripple of torment across my belly.

  Addy leans down until she is in my face. For an instant, she’s the realist thing in the room. “Then fight for him. Fight for all of us. Do what you have to do now and take the fight to Pharaildis. Bring this child into the world and let her fulfill her destiny. So you can fulfill yours.”

  I swallow and then nod.

  She backs away a step.

  “Addy?” I reach for her.

  The ghostly image flickers. “We’re here, Nic. We’re all here waiting for you.”

  “Addy, I’m so scared.” Terrified I’ll screw it up. That I’ll be worse than Pharaildis. She hadn’t been a killer. Hadn’t been a deadly Unseelie queen. Just a heartbroken girl.

  And I’m worse. I’ll turn my innocent child into a monster.

  This isn’t fair. None of it. I should be with Aiden. With Addy. They are my family.

  Addy’s shade smiles softly. “So was I. So were we all when we took you.”

  “How?” I swallow. “How do I do it?”

  “Love her. Let her be who she is and just…love her.”

  Another contraction. A scream tears from me as the urge to push overwhelms everything else.

  “That’s it, Nic.” Laufey meets my gaze and holds it. “I can see the head. You’re almost there.”

  The pressure intensifies again. My midsection turns hard as stone. I scream and push with everything I’ve got left. No training on earth could prepare me for the fierce sensation. Chloe cries out with me. I squish Sophie’s hands as tightly as possible. Addison Sophia makes her entrance into the world with a hea
rty wail.

  “One more big one,” Laufey prompts. “Almost over, Nic.”

  “You aren’t alone,” Addy adds. “Not now, not ever.”

  Sophie has her free hand on my belly, waiting for the telltale clenching. “One more big push. That’s all, sweetheart.”

  “You got this,” Chloe’s voice breaks. “Nic, you’ve got this.”

  “Ahhhh!” The scream rips free as I push with all my might.

  Laufey’s weathered face splits into a grin. She lifts the small wriggling body covered with all sorts of grossness. I have never seen anything so beautiful in my life.

  Gretchen is ready with a baby blanket, one of many. Outside the sun is high in the sky.

  “Here you go.” My friend hands me my daughter, a smile on her round face. “Mom.”

  My hands shake as I reach for her. Part of me is worried I’ll drop the child.

  The rest is sure I won’t. Because I know deep down that I will never let her go.

  “Addison Sophia Jager.” I smile down at her. I count ten fingers, ten toes, no wings or wolf tail. No purple skin, though she does look a bit red from the exertion. We did it, together. The two of us forged our way through.

  She looks human. Until she opens her eyes and they glow bright with emerald flames.

  Chloe rests her chin on my shoulder. “My gods, Nic. She’s magnificent.”

  Sophie’s eyes glisten with tears. Addy is right, I’m not alone. I may not have Aiden, but I have help.

  When I look up to tell her, Addy is gone.

  Growing Pains

  “Addison!” I call out, striding across the field to where my three-year-old daughter is kneeling in the grass. “What’s wrong, honey?”

  “It’s hurt.” She’s crouched beside a fox with a twisted leg.

  “Stay back,” I caution her. “Wounded animals are more likely to bite.”

  She ignores me, as is her way. Her blonde hair is much darker than mine, golden in color, the same as the hay in the fields. “It won’t bite me.”

  I lunge for her but am too far back. She lays her hands on the fox’s body. It makes a pained sound but holds still. A red-gold light pulses out of her hands.

  “Nic?” It’s Liam, striding across the grasses. “What’s going on?”

  Suddenly, the fox leaps up. My lips part as Addison giggles and the beast darts away into the trees.

  “She healed it,” I say to Liam.

  “Like new.” In some ways he reminds me so much of Aiden, like the way he tilts his head, his gaze tracking the woods around us, searching for danger.

  I stare as my daughter leaps up and then runs to find Jedda and Tate.

  Her powers are growing by the day. How much longer must we wait?

  Her laughter bubbles up and my heart clenches in a tight fist.

  How can I ever risk her?

  “Mommy?” a little voice asks from the side of the bed.

  I sniffle and wipe the tears from where they’d congregated on my lashes before looking over at my daughter. She looks so much like Aiden at times that it hurts. “What is it, imp?”

  “I had a bad dream.” Her flame green eyes glow eerily in the darkened room. “Is it okay if I sleep in bed with you?”

  In answer, I lift the covers and scoot over, making room for her small form.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.

  Silently she shakes her head so her blonde curls bounce.

  I stroke her hair.

  “How about if I sing you a song?”

  A slow and easy nod.

  I’m not a natural, but I do remember a song a young girl sang to me once while I suffered in the deepest depths of despair.

  Long ago and far away

  In a field kissed with golden sun

  A sprite flitted from branch to flower

  and there she met the one

  Her love as fresh as a summer breeze,

  her heart as big and warm

  his eyes guileless and serene

  gave no hint to the coming storm

  Together they danced and laughed and played

  until the light faded from view

  For then he turned into a monster there

  and she his victim anew.

  Her breaths are slow and easy by the end of it, the cadence I’ve managed to pull off hiding the disturbing imagery of that song. Not exactly a lullaby, but it’s a message I plan to instill deep in her psyche.

  You never know what lurks beneath the surface.

  For the longest time, I saw the world in black and white. Good or bad. Mine or not. Until my monster met its mate.

  The tears begin anew. Gods, I miss him.

  What had ever become of Astrid’s Declan? With the FBI trapped in thrall, they would have forgotten about him. But I want to meet the boy my young friend had given her heart to.

  Not for the first time, I wish I was a free agent, able to go out and hunt the way I used to. Not for victims, but for my friends and family.

  For my mate.

  “Hold on, Aiden,” I beg the quiet shadows of the night. “I haven’t given up on you yet.”

  Her growth is human and yet my daughter is distinctly other. I fill my days as best I can by teaching her everything she needs to know. Where there are holes in my knowledge, Laufey and Garret are happy to fill in. I curse myself repeatedly for not finishing school, the way Gretchen had.

  Had my laziness not held me back, perhaps I could figure out a way out of this mess.

  The more I get to know Addison, the more I realize how broken Underhill is. Because there is no force stronger than the love between mother and child. If someone had taken her from me, nothing would have stopped me from getting her back.

  All of her gifts are gentle and sweet. Healing wounds both physical and emotional. Her laughter is like the tinkling of bells. I have a hard time believing this child will claim both the Shadow Throne and the Fire Throne. The Unseelie court is cutthroat.

  “She will rule with love,” Sophie tells me as we sit on her front porch and watch Addison chase butterflies with a net.

  I snort. “You’ve never met the fey.”

  She studies me and then leans back in her rocker. “No, but have you.”

  “Many of them. And they are all dangerous in their own way.”

  “Any animal will bite when cornered,” Sophie says and continues to rock.

  I think about Aiden’s wolf. The beast who’d shredded his younger brother. Aiden hated himself and the wolf for centuries because of that. Yet from the wolf’s perspective, he’d been cornered and lashed out at the nearest perceived threat.

  Had Aiden not shoved him down so hard and let himself be captured and tormented, he and his wolf could have found a balance long ago.

  I stare at Addison. Will she rule with wisdom and love?

  Will she want to rule at all?

  “Mama?” Addison tugs on the hem of my shirt.

  “What is it, imp?” I frown when I see the tears gathered on her lashes.

  “Tate told me that grandpa told him that my daddy was a bad man, that he left us.”

  I grit my teeth together. Damn you, Garret. “Your daddy is not a bad man. You know he risked his life to save Aunt Gretchen. And me. More than once.”

  She lets out a little puff of air. “But why isn’t he here with us? Doesn’t he love us?”

  My heart is breaking anew. How do you tell your six-year-old that her father is practically frozen in time? That he’s done it for her and that someday she will have to return the favor?

  I hate these moments. Not just because my heart bleeds anew from missing my mate, but because I’m so not prepared for them. “Addison Sophia,” I say and crouch down beside her. “Don’t you ever, ever think for one moment that your daddy wouldn’t reshape the worlds to be with you. If he could be with us, he would.”

  “Then why isn’t he.”

  Because he might be dead. Because we might be too late. But I can’t let myself think that.
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  “Because bad people are keeping him from us.”

  “Auntie Chloe says you used to kill bad people.”

  I have never once lied to my daughter. Fey can’t lie and turned mortals aren’t supposed to be able to either. Physically I can, but from the moment Addison was born I knew I would never lie to her about any of it. “That’s right. But killing is wrong and you should never do it.”

  She rolls her eyes and puts one hand on her hip, her sass coming back to the fore. “Of course not. That’s your job.”

  A laugh bubbles out of me as I watch her skip off, curls bouncing.

  She’s ready. I can feel it in the darkest pit of my soul. Addison Sophia Jager has reached her full strength. She seems to glow with a gold and green light. Birds perch on her windowsill, waiting for her to rise along with the sun before they sing. With a snap of her fingers, she can set a bonfire fifty feet high. One sharp inhale will call a hurricane toward the coast.

  Ghosts flock to her, the disembodied spirits looking for direction, for hope.

  She’s ready.

  I’m not.

  How can I let her go?

  It’s Freya who makes the decision for me. I’m in the middle of my sparring with Liam when she appears behind me. All the hairs rise on the back of my neck and I sense something is wrong even before Liam freezes mid lunge.

  “It’s time,” the goddess says.

  I whirl, blade high. I don’t know if I can do any harm to the goddess but I’m willing to find out.

  Her gaze bores into me. “She will meet her destiny and you will meet yours, Nicneven.”

  “My name is Nic. I want more time.” More time to get to know my daughter, to prepare her. Sixteen years isn’t enough. An immortal lifetime won’t be enough.

  “Take her to the Tear. It will be her test. If she can heal it, you know she is ready.” The goddess vanishes.

  I double over and only Liam’s quick reflexes keep me from falling flat on my face in the dirt.

  “I’m not ready.” Not ready to kill Pharaildis and take her place in an immortal prison. Not ready to lose my daughter.